Humour

A humorous list of financial terms to bring a smile to some people's faces during the recession of 2009 and the volatility in January 2016.

CEO

Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO

Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET

A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET

A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex

VALUE INVESTING

The art of buying low and selling lower

P/E RATIO

The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing

BROKER

What my broker has made me

STANDARD & POOR

Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST

Idiot who just downgraded your stock

STOCK SPLIT

When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves

FINANCIAL PLANNER

A guy whose phone has been disconnected

MARKET CORRECTION

The day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW

The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

YAHOO

What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share

WINDOWS

What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR

Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut-house

PROFIT

An archaic word no longer in use